Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
