I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
