gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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