Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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