Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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