I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
