OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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