pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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