My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
