The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
