it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
