I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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