He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He did a backflip because drugs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
