I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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