This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
