Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
