i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
