I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Let's paint friendship bongs
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
