I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
