Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize