All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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