You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
