Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize