im six kinds of drunk right now
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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