ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Barsexuality is the new black.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
