Christians are straight up FREAKS
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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