ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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