I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
