Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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