drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
