Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
