my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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