This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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