he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i out mim tonsoeep
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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