I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
