she woke up with a sticky ear
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
