so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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