Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
