You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
