I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude i'm inner monologue high
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
How's work?
Spinning.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
