C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
