I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
the liver wants what the liver wants
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
