No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize