Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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