i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
