There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize