I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
