He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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