I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
