yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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