I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I intend to get homeless drunk
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
