she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
