Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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