Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
