According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
