we have officially lost it.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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