You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
