I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
