girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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