this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize