Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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