So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
its liver damage thursday
Randomize