Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
