Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
