Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
