He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
