friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
