I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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