we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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