I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize