Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We are two peas in an std pod
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
