Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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