Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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