He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
