like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
