he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
