i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
