look no pants
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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