I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
