She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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