i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
