For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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